When Retirement Doesn’t Work
Hi Folks,
Are you enjoying your retirement? Do you look forward to waking up almost every morning with the great feeling that you are going to do what you want to do today and enjoy every minute of it?
Or do you have lots of days when you wake up and miss having a job to go to and the responsibilities that come with it?
Not having a job to go to makes many retirees feel unfulfilled – like something is missing from their lives. It is not a good feeling and it is something that must be dealt with.
Mary Lloyd, today’s author, experienced this in her own life and shares her feelings with us and how she dealt with it . . . and gives plenty of useful, first hand advice for handling it.
Thank’s Mary,
Woody
Retirement’s Black Hole: What to Do When Not Working Doesn’t Work
By Mary Lloyd
Copyright © 2012 Mary Lloyd
When we are in the workforce, we assume everyone wants to retire and will love it once they do. But for many of us a painful truth unfolds once we leave the workforce: we need work for our own satisfaction. The emptiness that results when you continue to deny that is hard to explain, but painful and real.
Being rid of the demands of work is only enjoyable for a while. Then we need more to be happy about getting up in the morning. When you voice that to someone who’s still working, they have no sympathy. Or suggest antidepressants.
Don’t be fooled. What you’re feeling is not a problem with brain chemistry. It’s a very reasonable reaction. Living life without a purpose is very hard to do. But it remains the cultural expectation of how we are SUPPOSED to live retirement.
Those who were pushed into retirement or jumped on a spontaneous basis might feel this more quickly. But even those who had plenty of time to get used to the idea before they retired typically end up saying “There has to be more than this.” On average, it comes about a year after you stop going to work.
Leisure should be part if your life, but you’re not crazy if you can’t make it be enough by itself. There’s no easy path to that “more” though–no established procedure for claiming it. Each of us whacks our way through this confusing jungle solo and hit-or-miss. So let me at least share what I have learned.
First, a few things you DON’T want to do:
DON’T JUMP RIGHT BACK INTO A REGULAR JOB JUST TO FILL THE EMPTINESS. Retirement offers the advantage of maximum flexibility. Be sure you really WANT to let go of that before you start highlighting full-time help wanted ads. There are a lot of ways to work and “all day every day five days a week” is only one of them.
DON’T ASSUME WHAT YOU WERE DOING IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO NOW. Even if you were the ace at the office, there may be something you’re even better at—and will enjoy more—if you take the time to figure out what it is.
DON’T JUST KEEP DOING NOTHING. You already know that doesn’t work, no matter how many people tell you how lucky you are to be able to do it. People do die from not having enough to challenge them. Don’t just endure it if it isn’t working for you.
DON’T GET DOWN ON YOURSELF. You’re not a failure because you “flunked retirement.” A lot of people do.
So what DO you do? In a nutshell? Do the work to establish what you really WANT to do and then to figure out how to do it in a way that keeps your life balanced. More specifically:
DISCOVER YOUR PASSION. What’s worth doing at this stage of your life? What gets you excited? Listen to your heart. Is there something you want to improve in the world, your community, or your neighborhood? The only reliable foundation on which to build your retirement is what you truly value deep down. Eventually, virtually everything else is likely to change.
LIST WHAT YOU’RE GOOD AT. By the time we retire, we’ve amassed an incredible breadth and depth of skills and knowledge. Just writing it all down will make you feel good about yourself. But knowing all that you can do is also key to kindling a fresh flame. Be sure to include the stuff you learned at non-business pursuits too, whether it’s leading a Brownie troop or officiating high school lacrosse.
DEFINE YOUR PURPOSE. When you mesh what you’re good at with what you believe in, amazing things happen. You don’t have to save the world. You don’t even have to save the day. You do have to save yourself. Discover what gets you jazzed and learn all you can about it.
SHAPE YOUR WORK CONSCIOUSLY. There’s project work, piece work, seasonal work, or contract work. Creative work (that you might never make a dime from). Volunteer work. You can work noon to 4:30 on alternate Tuesdays or just the month of February. Once YOU know when and how you want to work, you’ll be far more likely to find, create, or negotiate it.
GIVE IT TIME. A bizarre thing happens when you retire. All of your time is your own, yet you tell yourself you don’t have enough. You can’t learn that new thing or build a reputation in that new area of expertise because, you …well… might die. Think about it. The fact that you are going to die has been there since the day you were born.
There are a lot of folks still going strong at 90. Be one of them. When it is time to take that last breath, take it full of satisfaction with what you’ve been so engaged in. THAT is how we should all retire.
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Mary Lloyd is author of Supercharged Retirement: Ditch the Rocking Chair, Trash the Remote, and Do What You Love. She offers seminars on creating a meaningful retirement and consults to businesses on how to use older talent well. She is available as a speaker. For more on how to get the best out of life after 50, go to => http://www.mining-silver.com .
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